me, myself and I

I think you every day learn something about life. something new or something you've already learnt but think of in a new way. it sounds very smart, philosophic and maybe like cliché but really I do believe it's true. yesterday when I was suppouse to go to sleep I thought instead. something not too rare to do at night in your bed staring at the wall like you don't have anything more intelligent to do. but still you can't do anything about all those thoughts that's jumping around your brain like sheeps you really should count. people often says that their best thinking is at night and probably I would agree. so when I should get my self some sleep I was thinking instead and there was nothing I could do about it. when that attends to happend I use to have a God-conversation or as you could say a chit-chat with Him above. And it striked me that you really have to give up yourself to complete your life and your relationship with God. You have to give up your control and your ability to handle everything on your own. You have to give up your pride and your selfishness and realize that you can't do nothing in your own power. That fact, I believe, is one of the most hardest truths I've ever tried to learn. and worst of all, it really is true. If I try to manage my life completely on my own it's doomed to fail. I need to put myself beyond my own control to receive control. does that make sense? well, probably not but if I want to give my life to God and truly follow him I need to give up myself and put him in the front seat. Trusting him with my life because I believe that is the best I can do with it. And in reward I got to live a life close to Jesus the only one that truly can fulfill my life and my desires. Who always watch over me and loves me more than I ever, with my tiny and not so intelligent brain, could understand. It's just that it's so hard to give up me and to actually put my life in someone else's hands. But I'm willing to give it a try, over and over again.