well,

this night ended up not quite as I thought or wanted it to be. tired and feels like my head is some where waaay beyond my body and my eyes and nose hurts from all the pollens outside. and of just tiredness. of things and of lack of energy. but to all those out there I would like to say. keep up the good work. and right now I would like to pull a big pillow over my head, yes over it-my rolemodel would ofc be joey and the turkey, and try to go away for three seconds. why, just because it's hard to exist some times. or not to actually exist, for that you just have to breath and your body does that atomaticlly, but to keep control of your stormy feelings and to have the streanght to give everything of you to God every day. I feel like this day has been given to God in so many ways, and still I'm exhausted. my body hurts and my heart is tired of the clouds that's hanging around it. though to know that God is always beside you and one step before you makes the sun peek out. and the warm feeling of God's love makes me glad inside. still there's hard. but now when I actually thinks about it. it's totally worth it and I feel like I've not made enough today. so now it will be nice just to lay back with my hot cup of tea and just enjoy my own created solitude before my beloved friends arrives. just me, my cup, the beeping cooler besides Eric's computer and GOD. what a terrific combination!