quality time and small steps closer

this morning was just what I needed. didn't start school until lunch so I gave myself a loong sleep-in. later I went down stairs to make a cup of tea and two sandwiches of my mum's delicious bred and went back up to my bed. sat there in my pyjamas, listened to shawn mcdonald and read Adrian Plass. (start to become my favourite).

thought of something. that if you see yourself as someone who don't really have sin. then it's very hard to understand that you need to recieve God's grace. or just that you need it. sometimes I wonder if my life's just too good. that I've it just too comfortable. things that I worry about is not really that big. somethings are, but the main part's not. Maybe it's harder to follow God when your life already is ok. already goes ok. when it's easy to put God aside because your life already function without Him. I think I need to step out and take a look of my self and my life. maybe I need to take on harder challenges. take a bigger step forward. reach out for something more. just because you're longing for more of God. and only because that's the reason. because I could settle down. I could be satisfied. But I want more. And I'm starting to realize, very slow though, that I'm totally lost without God. that I as a human can't manage life without him. I'm starting to realize my own unimportance. feels weird to say that, because all the society tells you is that YOU are important. and don't get me wrong. you are. God loves you so deep and so high that you ever can imagine. only that you sometimes may not be as important as your mind tells you. also to trust God that you can rely on Him. and that's even harder. good though that God has a whole bunch of love, put aside just for me and my small and clumbsy attemps to learn who He is.