time difference?

well this week a lot of things have happened. good and bad. I'm a little bit upside down and I can't really decide whether how I feel about everything. well, maybe it's just life. one thing I do have experienced this week is how hard it is to walk with god. to live with him. to accept that you don't understand everything and that you just can't get your mind around him. control who he is. and really I am just like a little ant or even less compare to him. I'm kind of nothing. ouch that's hard to hear. and also he is really great and I'm not that important as I think. ouch, that's also hard to hear. so we've got the conclutions that we are nothing and very less important- because we are nothing. well, good to go! don't you get really exited!? I'm kind of ironic here if you didn't noticed. but in my life as a christian I need to know that I'm not as good as I think. need to step down for my peidestal. need to step down from my high horses. need to get that God's bigger than me. also I've realised that I am afraid. afraid of what, you might think. you thought you where greater than god, or at least very big. well I've never thought that I had this fear of god. this fear of what he might do if I'm not perfect. I've always thought I had dealt with this long time ago. I know you don't have to be perfect! turned out that I just knew that in my head and not in my heart. to really know and understand that god is a loving and caring god was harder than I thought. and all those thoughts was revealing. they revealed how little I've come in my relationship with god. how little I've come in my life with him. ouch, that aint nice to see either. I've a lot to work on.

anyhow. today at church Magnus preached about time. God's view on time to be exact. how to live life with time. do you make the right priorities? also that everything in life has it's time. I quote Ecclesiastes 3 (swe. predikaren):

A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

well think of this for a moment or two. I know I need to and will.
and keep in my heart that god loves me more than I can get my small ant mind around.