like in a tornado

feels like everything just goes spinning and spinning. would like to have a button that don't says play. but I don't know where to buy one. now, time to be intellegent. to be organized. to be diciplined. to do your homework. I don't want to. are you alloud to not want to? or is that just a sign of laziness? would like to have a day just to be home watch a good movie. feels like every free time you feel guilty. guilty for doing something you should do on your free time and not studying. need to get this done. don't want to. can't we just forget all about it? well, I know it feels good when it's done BUT. well, time to just do it and hopefully everything will stop spinning...

monday lovely monday

tonight it's going to be an early night tonight. watching swedish Idol while sitting at the computer blogin instead of doing homework. not too good but really don't feel inspired and I've forgot to transfer my report from the schools computer to FC so I don't have access to it now. bad excuse perhaps, but I don't know.

really, sometimes you really have bad excuses. I try to tell the truth and stand up for it. but sometimes you really have bad ones. but it also hard, in some situations, to keep your promises. in my case I often belive that I have the time and energy to do a lot more than I actually can. like I have my own timeschedule, that I can stop and play when ever I would need it. I need to learn to plan my life better. to see what's realistic and not. trying, but it's very hard.

now to a totally different thing. I read an article about gender equality today and it really pissed me off. yeah, I meant pissed me off :P it really did. through the whole article it was said that everything had to be fare. and I want it to, but this was extreme. like there was one part wich was about the importance of having time to your self and have own activities outside your husbands and family's. and that's nothing wrong about that, but it was pointed out that if so, it was very very important that you would get the exact time to do that as your husband and he wouldn't get a second more. or that you should share your chores, but it has to be fare. and exact the same time as your husband. it was not(!!)aloud to have more or less chores than the other person. well, I was really angry and thought the whole article and the authors of the book wich was written about the subject (the article was based on the book) just was ridiculous. I mean there is a certain point when things just get childish, like when you can't pick up your kids from daycare 5 times and your husband 3 because it's not equal. and when you have to do everything same way and the same amounth that your husband because if not it's called that women don't have the same rights as men. just ridiculous. if the community has become that way I would gladly be the housewife, homestaying, superwoman that do nothing but wipe kids noses and bake wholewheat bread. and ofc not let my man inside my kitchen for any cause! to be a radical woman outside her time. because I do believe that men and women are different. oops.. are you alloud to say that?

Livin' in God's plan

oh, this weekend, starting thursday, has been soo good. I really needed that. and especially yesterday up at the skijumping hills. so good just to eat "childhood-chocolate", risen and bulle meanwhile looking out over town. we established that our landscape has a lot of woods. and that hospitals has a big chimney, or so we thought. we also shared life. joy, love and hard times. relationships, friendships and parenthood. future and past. how we want to handle the important situation when our daughter/son comes home with hers/his first girl/boyfriend... oboy's a lot of slashes there... (ofc I mean /'s ; )haha). how you want things to be planned. how you want to end up. your values, your thoughts and your flaws. made codes. driven my future car. and just been quiet enjoying our company. and not to mention seen a ski-jumper jumping dedly high and catasrophicly fast and straight, with his face pointing right to the ground, without any snow! haha, yes sweden don't have snow all the time.. douhhh... that was very fascinated.
now time to go to bed. I have a long week before me.
but I'm proud. I've become more self-confident. I've become more caring. Simply I've become more like God. just by being in his presence. that's good to know, especially when it's monday tomorrow...
love

girlylishious

home after a nice sleepover at Sandra's place. tired but it's ok. now I've been very good and cleaned the livingroom and soon I'm goinging to do the hall and kitchen. I'm very proud of myself. :) tonight it's youthgathering at Rodheims. looking forward to it. to have a coup of tea, look at the big and very nice cookie-buffé and just listening to everyone talking about everything. it's always a good atmosphere at R's. good just to come home to someone a friday night and just be surrounded by people who care's about you. And of course Lovisa is going to be there. even more great. like you very much sweet girl :)

well, I'm having an interesting and sporadic conversation with my dad while writing. He's sitting behind me clearing lingonberries from leaves and needles, saying that it's good to clear your head while clearing lingonberries. hmm.. I don't know about that but it might be true. what do you do to clear out you head?
everybody's different.. thought about that, or truth is that it was my friends thought but, it's very hard with relationships of any kind just bacause people are so different. and while figuring out who your selfe are, you also need to figure out someone else. it's a tricky thing to do that. well, time to start my buissy day again. lot to do before sunset. wish me luck.
love,

in our weakness

God give us streanght, because we won't overcome without you.

taking one step closer

today has been tough and I'm all out of any energy. feel like everything annoys me. I'm totally drained out. but I know I've been in service today. I've been worshiping and singing all day. working for God. and when you do that you also get recistance. I've worked hard to give out and I know that he will give me new joy and new energy. this day has been exhausting but really, really amazing. to worship together with other people. to praise God because he is. it's a feeling hard to describe.
but I know that today I've experienced God once again. and I have recived so much of his presence, his glory, his magnifying greatness. when you pray, when you praise, when you put time aside and reach your arms out to get a grip of what God has for you you come closer to him. not closer to perfection but to satisfaction in your life. to feel that your life is worth to live. to feel that you are alive not only breathing but actually live for something bigger. to have a purpouse. and when you know you have a goal and you see that you've accomplished and overcome one more part of the way. then you can feel that you really have come one step closer to God. and that is worht so, so much. now it's time to go to sleep. knowing that god is closer to me then when I woke up. knowing that tomorrow he will be even closer, because he has promised that when I reach out for him he will reach out for me.

just being alone

needed time by myself,
with God.
listen to music.
thinking.
singing.
studying.
just being.
breathing.
talking.
praising.

I'm lucky to live my life as I do. I'm thankful for my family and my friends. all the loving people around me. I'm excited about finding out more of what God has planned for my life. I'm so grateful for the deep relation with Him that I've shared this past days. it says that tough days makes you stronger. I believe so because you'll have to rely on God. to give up and admit that you need him in your life. that you are a "needy" and nothing can change that. to go around your pride. to be humble and kneel. to ask are you for real and believe in the answer. to be brave. to have faith. to take one step further. to commit. to see all the things God will give you. a glimpse of His glory. that's the greatest gift.

huh?

If you just don't get it, what will you do? ^^

phew..

day's over. just got home from 2½ hours of dancing. nice! :) well, now it will feel great to take a good shower and then go straight to bed. sweet sweet bed. sleep is wonderful sometimes. no wonder it's called beauty-sleep!

the day you are suppouse to breath on..

wednesday. middle of the week. the day when you stop and realize that half of the week has already passed. the day of the week when you are suppouse to take a break and just be still for a second. need of reflection. need of analyzation. need of a pause. to stop and not rush through the day, the week your life. to just catch up with God. see that he carries you. and then clear your focus. take one step forward. and then it's thursday.

I'm in a very need of a wednesday for the moment. just to have a spare minute to feel. to pray. get energy so you will cope the rest of the week. one day at the time. sometimes it's heavier to just manage a day. but you know that it's life. that it's just to keep on going because in the end it will all be worth it. to take a deep breath and smile. because everything gets easier with a smile. to look up and just catch a glimpse of His glory. because everything gets easier with god. to be in his presence, makes it worth it.

people

maybe some person's not
how you imagine them to be.

making things better

To work on your self is a hard and painful. to rewind and think about how you act and then analyze it. to press play and try to do it all over again. to make a plan and be prepare that it may change in a minute. to not plan it all. to make progress. to not run away and to listen to your heart. to what god gives you. to learn and to make things better this time. to live and to learn. to live and to love. to know that He will love me no matter what and to trust that fact. to jump off a cliff and to think outside the box. to leave the fear at the door and to fly. you got wings you know. just got to dust them off a little bit.
please god help me with that.

hysterical childish joy and totally exhaustion

well, that's the kind of feeling you get after working with about 50 kids from 9 am till 1 pm. jumping around and play seals on the floor. dancing like princesses and been boiling spagetties. now I've been home just trying to have two feet on the floor and yet not fall asleep. this week has been more challenging than I thought. but what more to it when you have a whole afternoon and evening just to relax or as I should do study till our math exam tuesday. horror. ^^ hopefully I'll get some really logic thoughts and reasonings from the guy above.
speaking of him we had a great evening at church yesterday. was a little bit late and went home early but, the time I was there was great. realized how much I've missed church and the youth-gatherings this summer. feels great to be on again. well we talked about relationships, about love and commitment and about feelings and differences. about being true to yourself and to the person you care about. and also about being "the object" of someone having a crush on you. haha. well, I thought it was a great evening and I'm looking forward to the next. great to see God working among us teenages too. but it's a little bit weird to be one of the oldest. I mean 'aint I 13? oh, I'm not anymore? sometimes I wonder...

yesterday I also read a tex in the Bible about John. it talked about beeing recognized as a person who loves Jesus. I want to be recognized as such. and also that they couldn't keep quiet about what they've seen and heard. what if you could be so filled with God that you just couldn't shut up. annoying, some people would say, but still I would desperatly want that in my life. I think it's very very scary to actually say that to God, "I want you to be the biggest part in my life and more than you are today" because I know and I've learnt that if you invite God to your life he will answer with a big YES. well, that's a good thing I would say, just a little bit scary that it will happen in reality. life's not a made up story as I think sometimes.
well, I want to let God be a bigger part of my life and actually try to lay my life in his hands. to trust that he knows what's best for me and not try to do everything my way. And I know that by doing that I will learn that He is loyal to me and will catch me when I think I'm going to fall. Because, God is.

just as a proof :)

thursday lovely thursday

today I had the greatest morning with my grandma. we had some coffee and brownies and just talked about life. listened to her stories and advices. really preciated it. she is a remarkable woman and one of my greatest rolemodels. To talk about what God wants for your life and how to live His plan. To talk about difficulties in relationships to other people. To talk about having God centered in your life. To love each other. To love God, and what may come with it. To sort out what life is all about, a small part, a small piece.

my mind don't really connect to the rest of my body

well, today I'm very tired. but happy though. or something between. yesterday was an acomplishment on it's own. but I manage to go through it without worsen my cold. today it's stable but I've got JOF and that means shouting and jumping and dancing and shouting some more so I don't know where it's gonna end. but really, if I take the time (to breath)and think I realize how greatful I am. how greatful I am to God because he has given me the most amazing life. even mondays (and tuesdays). I talked with J on the phone this sunday, after all that happened this weekend I couldn't avoid feeling a great feeling of happiness and gratitude. and I can live on that for a very long time. well, I'm thankful and that's good to remember when you don't really feel like it. keep it simple, keep it positive! oh boy. kind of a cliché but true though.
well, I think this post got a little bigger point than I first thought. not too good at thinking today. but apparently I got something understandable out of my head. Now I got marketing for 2h. see how that goes. then tonight I'm going home to Anna. looking forward to that. just some tea and some nice talking. :) just hope I find her adress... ;)
well.. time to go.
over

How great is our God

he is awsome!
just want to say that this weekend was great. no more to it. now I need some sleep. ^^

inspiration

looked at Patricia's flickr (www.flickr.com/photos/41270488@N07). I want to start take photos again. drag my big camera around just to get those nice just-on-a-second-shots of everyday life as beautiful it is. inspired. inspired to remeber a friday. any friday. just a usual friday.

lazy lazy thursday

today's been very calm. very quiet. very relaxing. very luxury. just been home and done nothing really. well, I tried to do some homework (math) but I couldn't get my head around anything. so I decided to wait till I can ask my teacher how to do it. wise. ;) so it's just been me and my brother at home and we have actually done nothing. quite good.

in and hour or so I'm packing my work-out-bag and go over to the Harris family. babysitting. can't wait, we're going to have a blast. or so I hope ;) later dance class. doing some serious exercise. really fun. this term we mix jazz-show dance with contemporary dance. just hope I'll be able to do all the turnings and twisting and so on. but I guess practise is the answer. well, now I'm heading over to the piano. got some inspiration yesterday (about 1 am ) for a new song. have'nt written any in ages. hope my piano-playing not will be totally forgotten.

over.

dance

really in my heart. nothing more to say you just feel amazingly good after 2 1/2 hour of dancing! :)awsome!

now, some "kvällsmat" and then a good and needed shower. later go to bed. :)
tomorrow will be great. I have homestudy and that's the same as sleep-in morning. just nice and quiet. a cup of tea and a good book. Yammies and just solitude. my only company's Vilma. I love those mornings. just me and God. to take a brake a pause. to breathe.

and to end this post. psalm 63:3-4
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

wednesday

was on a movie premiere with dad yesterday. the film was called "Prinsessa" (in English Princess). really good and you should go and see it on theatre this fall. worth the money because it was a good (surprisingly good) Swedish (!) movie.

well, after a kind of hard morning. was very very tired. wonder if it ever will get easier to get out of bed. well, I made it through this day. so far. :) actually feel quite happy. got a lot to look forward to and actually my life is kind of good for the moment. not too bad not too good, but still you have a joy in your heart that comes from the small things God gives you to make it easier to hang in there. like yesterday. really glad to spend some time with my dad. just the two of us. and I realized that I'm proud of him and proud to be his daughter. maybe I should tell him that. and then I started to think that it's now when you start to actually grow up that you realize that your parents aren't just mom and dad but actual persons. well, it might sound like I didn't know that at all, but I mean really realize and get to know them both as parents and as friends. and that they often has very good values and great personalities and that their advices and their friendship is something you don't want to loose. I guess that was the wisdom of today's post. quite a lot though. you're not used to the fact that you can have your parents as friends... ;) well, I look forward to get to know my mom and dad better and listen to their stories about their life. they have one too, I've realized. haha.

I've got the favor of God

"everywhere I set my foot, God is working for my good."