update only for you

I'm still alive! with love :)

ps. better update's coming soon.

when life doesn't come your way

my deepest wish, my deepest request. my thoughts that are the same as my heart.
"You are the only one, You are the one that I desire. You are the only one my King"
but why is it so hard to live by. to follow, to do? if it's your highest and deepest desire, how come you can't make it real? come through with it. put it in to work. to actions. to focus. to live by the spirit and his command. his heart.

In my self I'm no one.
On my own I can do nothing.

wednesday

this morning I was brought out of my very comfy and deep sleep by my mother. All I remember is that I asked her what day it was. it was wednesday. well, what do you do when you hardly wake up in the mornings and you're completly out of focus?
found a song that kind of describes that, in life. the first lines is:

"My life has led me down the road that’s so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken"

"I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem, To be the ones that bring me home"

"Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do. Cause I’ve been tryin’
to find my way,I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here, Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation. I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You"

well, I think this lyric will speak for me today. just moved my heart. like it should have been my thoughts.

"I don’t know where I can turn. Tell me when will I learn. Won’t You show me where I need to go. Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it’s the only way that I can get back home"

I've got nothing without you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEn74zP1glQ

aprés le rêve

after the weekend feels like the week will be very soft, easy and calm. know it won't be but still. though it feels good. I'm happy. something that not has come around much lately. you know the good feeling in you stomach. maybe it's because it's october break soon. or because I've got inspired again. or because things are getting in control again. and J's coming home soon too. I can be happy just for that. well, seems like that heavy feeling I've been carrying around's going away. or just that I've seen a glimps of God's glory in other peoples lives this weekend. keeps me wanting to know him better. get closer. get more. get inspired. get hold on to god. I'm ready to spread my wings. close my eyes. feel his precense and fly. I know he will lift me. I know my wings will bear. because he has given me them. close my eyes. rest. be ready for tomorrow. to inspire others like i've been inspired. let it be shown in my life. your love. your energy. your sparkle and joy. you. and when I wake up tomorrow I know that you have a whole day ready for me. all I have to do is come with you.

"live my dream with open eyes."

that's life with God. I'm in.

short and true

for a minute or so I thought that I should do a major post with a lot of points to get to and give you. but, I recieved something instead.

"Be still and know I am God"

oh, I need it.
thank you.

simple?

yesterday I had a moment. I'm sure you've had one too. you're lying in bed looking up the ceiling and there you have it. a thought. well, it just became clear to me. simple as it is. why complicate it?

If god is the only one who knows where you are heading and the only one who knows the way to get there, you simply follow his directions.

like, if you are lost and you pull over and ask a totally stranger directions to get to your goal, you say thank you and trust that this stranger knows the way. you don't say "yeah right, as you would know!?". now you thank that person for being kind enough to help you in a situation when you where totally lost. so what I would like to say to you and especially myself is that obedience shouldn't be that hard. I mean if I put myself in a situation where I must trust in God and where I'm totally dependent on him the most natural would be to do as he says. Because I do believe that he knows better than me, even though it's really hard to say that and really mean it... ^^

well, the hard part is that I, most of the times, don't say "ok God thanks for helping me. I know your way's best". instead I cross my arms and say with an annoying voice "Yeah right, as you should know?!". once again I need to sacrify a bit of my ego. put myself aside and realize that I do need to depend on God because in myself I'm nothing. but that sentence isn't best friend with my pride.
today's my prayer- please let me put myself aside because I know your way's the way. because you love me.

thursday

sitting here in my purple plush-dress. have my warm knitted socks on and still, my hair is wet from the shower. going to get my big purple teacup and fill it with some warm tea. trying to capture a thought. but when I close my eyes I can't find it. miss you.

I almost smiled at a boy at the bus today

My back hurts. it's a pain not too noticeble but still there. all the time. I feel that my forhead is getting too much wrinkles. my lips are too much pointing down to the floor and I'm getting really grumpy. and I don't know why. would very much like to just stay at home. have a nice blanket and my pillow you can heat up in the microwave behind me to give my back some nice warmth and rest while I'm eating chocolate and watching "How I met your mother". but day's not over yet and it's quite cold outside and I don't like the thought of going outside.

I find a snickers-bar in my bag though!:) well, time to head over to church to prepare for JOF and to get some food. don't really know what I wanted to say with this post. you'll just have to stick with it. I'm not to smiley today.. ;)

backwards

it goes all wrong when you want to make it right.

ready for a new week?

listen to the duhks- mighty storm. try to get it in to my head. singing lesson tomorrow. also try to get facebook work. not to happy about it. but who needs facebook truly?

today I've kind of crashed. I wished someone could catch me. or just leave me. feelt really frustrated about not be able to be alone. still I miss you. wish I had a magic wish. but really I don't know what to do with it. though I wish it still was saturday afternoon. that I still had some time off. that I would have cleaned my room. now all I ask for is a good night's sleep. after that it might feel a little bit better. sweet dreams. I pray.

after a hard working week

I'm well worth some good food, tea, sweets, potato chips, dip, soda, chocolate and a good movie with good company.

the only thing missing is you.

a letter

today I'm home with my little brother who's not feeling very well. I'll be the big "super" sister who will take care of him in any situation. everything from a blanket to a beagle to a donut to a magazine to a cup of ice cream to a storytelling to a joke to a hug. feels like superman flying in to rescue.

hope I'll get some work done too.. we'll see how that goes. first I'm going to write a letter. make a present. find an envelope. lick on a stamp. put my feet in my shoes and walk down to the mail box. kiss it goodbye and wish it a happy journey. a surprise. a letter. a thought. love

time to trust

okay, today I will practise to rely on God. practise to obey. practise to rest in His promise. practise to love without doubt. practise to overcome past. practise to become more like Him.

I pray for an open heart. I pray for a loving mind. I pray that I will be wise. that I will have God surrounding my thoughts and my acting. to take a good deep breath. clean air. streangth. glory. to praise God in any situation because I know he knows what's best.

on my way

today feels a little bit better.
I've both of my feet on the ríght side of the fence.
I'm resting in God's presence.

dreamin'

Is it alloud to just go back to your bed and pull a blanket over your head. to feel the warmth that stays. to put on your pyjamas again and close your eyes because it feels good. to go back to that wonderful dream of yours. to reach the end of the bed with your toes and then quickly pull them close to your legs again because of the cold outside the blanket. to find a comfortable position and just breifly go away. go back to that wonderful dream of yours.

friday, it's called that right?

ok. week's almost done. looking forward to a weekend with nothing on schedule. besides that I'm invited home to Julia with Johanna and Kajsa for a girls-night. it will be so nice just to hang out with them for a whole night and just talk and laughe and feel stuffed with sweets, food, soda and all the other stuff you might have eaten during a girls-night. it was long time now since I meet my girls so I'm really looking forward to it. :)

today, hopefully I'll be done with my math report. don't like it and it feels like an everlasting job. but it will feel soo good when it's done. then I just have to catch up with everything else.. well, we'll deal with that later. I've started to read a book of Adrian Plass. love him as an author! so I also have some good reading to do. feels like I'm in a good need of a real friday.
friday as in week-end